While Crawford was passed out on the floor like...
by Akiko and Sakura
Summary: A $2 Hooker. The title won't fit. >( Nagi and Schu have trouble sleeping one night.


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While Crawford was passed out on the floor like a $2 hooker.

Akiko and Sakura.

Disclaimer: All we own is the story idea and the character "Me Frank" and the Scottish Channel.

Info: Telepathic talk is shown between "//" (slashes.) 

Why: We wrote this after we colored all over my little sister and Sakura's dad. ~Akiko

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Background Info: Crawford falls asleep in his Armani suit on the ground. Farfarello is asleep on the couch. Schuldich and Nagi are becoming bored.

AN: Maybe you should just start the story Kiko.

Yeah...

Schu says they should seize the day by drawing on Crawford. Nagi is scared and doesn't want to. 

/Okay Chicken, go in Crawford's Office and get a non-permanent marker. /

Nagi looks at Schu, studying his face. Schu leaned in close to him. 

"Go..."

Nagi got up and ran to Crawford's office. He stood outside the door, his hand resting on the knob. Everything in his body knew he shouldn't go in there. Slowly, he started to turn the knob, his stomach turning as the crack between the doorframe and the door grew wider. And alas it was open. _Damn it, Why didn't Crawford lock it. _And a voice responds.

/Don't get any ideas kid. /

/Don't call me kid. / Nagi mentally yelled.

/Don't yell in my head that hurts! /

Nagi slowly turned on the light, expecting some alarm to go off. He paused as he felt something touch his back. Nagi quickly turned around looked up. Schu smiled down at him and said. 

/What's taking so long? /

Nagi reaches behind him, grabs what feels like a marker and hands it to Schu. Schu pats Nagi on the head. 

"Good Nagi."

Nagi bats at Schu's hand. 

"Stop it."

*Back in Living room *

Schu and Nagi set on the couch.

/So who do you want to go after first? / Schu says.

"I don't want to do this at all." Schu puts his hand over Nagi's mouth.

/Shut-up. If you wake Brad up I'll kill you. /

Nagi nodded and moved towards Farf. Schu laughed.

/Good choice! / Schu said.

Nagi growled not wanting a compliment form the German. Farf rolled off the couch and swung his arms up into the air. He giggled as the Irishman mumbled something about 'You are suffering now!' 

/Stop it, you're going to wake Brad. / Schu thought.

Schu laughs in his mind. Schu uncaps the marker, and begins to draw a mustache.

Farfarello rolled over again and groaned about hurting god. Schu cackled silently, and tore Farf's shirt off.

/I have a great idea! /

Nagi watched Schu's face, his expression changing rapidly. Finally Schu talked in his mind.

/We need a red marker. /

Nagi got up and walked back to Crawford's office. He opened the door with his telekinesis and flipped the light switch. Schu showed up behind him again. 

/Get the red pen, The Red Crawford BallPoint Pen. /

"But that is his favorite pen. And he'll find out because everything is organized backwards, forwards and.."

Schu covers Nagi's mouth.

/Stop talking aloud, I can hear your thoughts and he will find out in the morning. /

/He'll be pissed. /

/Yeah, but when opportunity arises you can't let it pass you up. /

/Just like with Ouka. / Nagi retorted.

/Get the fucking pen and met me in the living room. /

Schu left the room. Nagi grabbed the pen, shut off the lights and ran back to the living room. He held the pen out to Schu. Schu took the pen and started to draw signs of stigmata on Farf. 

/What are you drawing? / He questions.

/I'm drawing Jesus on him. /

He held back the laughter. Farf rolled over again. 

/Does he look like Jesus Nagi? /

/Uh...I'm not sure. /

Schu draws a beard on Farf going down his neck. Farf moves his arms around. He backhands Nagi across the face. Nagi screams demonically and grabs his face. Schu looks to Crawford, who is just mumbles. "No mommy I didn't do it."

Schu sends Nagi a death glare. Nagi frowns.

/I'm sorry, it hurt. /

Schu nodded truly disappointed. 

/Do you need a hug Nagi? /

Nagi stared at Schu. 

/What?! /

Before Nagi could act, Schu hugs him.

/Don't cry baby bishi. /

Schu rests his head on Nagi's shoulder.

/What should we do to Brad? /

Nagi frowns and tries to push Schu off of him.

/Well you are the mastermind. Think of something. /

Schu reluctantly let go. He was serious for a second, then his face brightened.

"I know."

"Schu, you talked out loud."

/Shut-up! /

/So what are we going to do to him? / Nagi says excitivily 

Schu laughs insanely in his mind and a smirk crosses his face.

/You'll just have to find out, now won't you? /

Nagi's eyes become wide and his lips form a frown yet again.

/That's mean! Why won't you tell me? /

/You're not going to pout like that kitten from Weiß...are you? /

/Don't compare me to him. /

Schu got up and walked over to Crawford. Nagi followed and kneeled on the other side of him. Schu uncapped the marker. Slowly he leaned over Brad. He gently made a line going from his eyelid to the middle of his forehead. He leaned over further and did the same to the other side.

Schu poked his tongue out and made a line from Brad's lower eyelid to his cheekbone. Then he did it to the other side of Brad's face. He wiped his eyebrow and drew a line from each corner of Brad's mouth and it made him look like he was grinning. Nagi snorted as he laughed into the pillow.

/Okay, your turn. Take his shirt off. /

/What?! You gotta be kidding me! You sick fuck! /

Schu cackles.

/Bishi you have to do it. Otherwise, the plan is ruined. / Nagi frowned.

"But..." Schu shushed him again.

/Don't talk aloud. You might wake him. /

Nagi groaned.

/Alright. / Nagi replied.

Schu grinned

/Good. / 

Nagi sighed dramatically. His irises turned red and a few buttons popped off.

/Hey! Careful, don't wake him up! /

/If you don't like the way I'm doing it, do it yourself. /

/Hey you're the one who wants to do this. /

/Huh...this was your idea. /

/No, don't you remember what you said?

/Hey...I remember it now. /

Nagi's eyes become slanted.

"Get out of my head! You put that there Dickface!"

Crawford stirs a bit. 

"No mommy, I told you I didn't do it."

Schu takes the marker and draws a Nazi sign on Nagi's forehead.

/I hate you Schu. /

Schu guffawed (hmmm... the strangest word for laughing yet.)

/Now that you said that...you can't use your telekinesis. You have to use your bare hands. /

/No../

/Yes, you don't want Crawford to wake up. /

Nagi begins to unbutton the buttons. Nagi slipped his arms out of the shirt. Schu draws swirls circles around Brad's nipples. He then draws an arrow starting at the bottom of Brad's ribcage and pointed down to his beltline. Above it he writes _$2 special. _Nagi covers his mouth and tires to muffle his laughs.

/You want to draw something. / The German's voice sounding in his head.

/Okay. /

Nagi draws bunnies, penguins, and ponies on Crawford's arms and hands. Nagi hands the marker back to Schu. Schu smiles. 

/Remove his pants. /

Nagi blushed and looked down.

/No... /

/Do it or I'll wake both of them up right now and blame it all on you. /

/I hate you. I want to go to bed now. /

/Well you can't until the game is finished. /

Nagi begins to fake cry and whine.

"Shut up, I know you are faking it brat." Schu yells. Crawford rolls over and mumbles.

"Mommy, I didn't do it. I'm telling the truth."

Schu cackled, and started drawing people on brad's back. Nagi waited until he was finished before he asked a question. Nagi looked at the people.

/Who are they? /

Schu grinned.

/It's us, see? I wrote our names. We're a happy family. /

Nagi laughed and snatched the marker from Schu. 

/What are you drawing? /

Nagi giggled.

/Ponies, and clouds. /

Schu rolled his eyes but let the kid work.

Crawford groaned, rolled over and mumbled.

"Daddy, don't tell mommy I brook the vase."

Schu laughed.

Nagi used his telekinesis. Brad's pants were tossed of the other side of the room.

/I'm going to kill you Schu. /

Schu cackled.

Nagi throws the marker between Brad's legs. Nagi laughed as Schu went to pick it up.

Schu bent over and his pants slid down a little. Nagi laughed and started singing.

"I see London, I see France, I see Schu's thong!"

Schu looked up, but kept reaching for the marker. 

/Was?! Was?! / (Um... was {pronounced "vas" is German for what.})

/Stop Schu! /

Schu's hand rubbed against Brad's crotch. His hand rubbed harder against Brad's crotch as he reached for the marker.

/Nagi, It's under his leg! /

Brad moaned and Schu stopped moving. He looked to his hand and finally felt the hardness against his hand. Schu made a face like he was going to vomit. 

The cap slides off into Brad's underwear. Schu screams mentally and poor Nagi heard it all. Nagi would have laughed but his head hurt too much. Schu groaned and stuck two fingers into Brad's underwear.

Schu made a disgusted face as he felt Brad's hair. Brad's nose twitches and his hand moves to scratch the inch caused by Schu's fingers. He scratches Schu's fingers but the itch is still there. Schu has to scratch for him. Brad put his hand back on the ground. Schu pulls his fingers out.

/Nagi we have to remove his underwear, I can't get it. /

Nagi's face is crimson now and he's looking at Schu's as if he has lost his mind.

/No.that's going too far. /

/What's wrong; never see a naked man before? /

Nagi groaned. 

/I've seen 'Me Frank'/

Schu raised an eyebrow.

/Isn't that on the Scottish channel. /

Nagi nodded and Schu smirked.

/You aren't allowed to watch the Scottish channel, remember? /

/Damn you Schu. /

Schu stopped listening, and was all was silent for a few seconds.

/We have to concentrate on the task at hand. /

/What is the task at hand? /

/We have to retrieve the marker cap. /

/No I don't, because I don't care about the cap. /

/How many times do we have to go through this. If you don't do what I say, you get blamed for the whole thing. Retard! /

Nagi closes his eyes and the floor begins to shake, the louvers begin to hit into each other, the windows shook. Dishes feel out of the cabinet and broke. Schu dive-bombs Nagi and starts strangling him. "You can't do this if you can't breath." Nagi tried to tell him that it wasn't him but he couldn't breath.

Soon the quaking stopped and Schu released his grip on Nagi's throat. Someone groaned and they looked to Brad. He was still asleep. They sighed and went back to 'the task at hand'.

/If you tell anyone that I took his underwear off...I'll kill you! /

Little did everyone know the Irishman had awoken. Nagi laughed and felt someone watching him. He turned around to the couch and saw Farfarello staring at him. 

"I wanna play what you're playing."

Nagi frowned.

"You can't play because you aren't part of the..."

"Of course he can play." Nagi looked at Schu.

/What? / Nagi wonders.

/Shut up. /

"We have a special task that only a god-hurting person like you could do."

"Really?"

"Come here, it's a secret."

Farfarello walks over and kneels by Schu and Nagi. Schu whispers in Farfarello's ear. 

"Sphuu...shh...psh...shh..."

Sometime later, the whispering stopped. Farfie pulls away and laughs.

"I can do that!"

Farfie kneels by Brad and yanks his underwear off. The marker cap rolled by Farf's feet.

Farfarello stared in disbelief. It seemed like hours and only 10 minutes had passed, when he finally spoke.

"Well that must be the World's Greatest Erection that I've ever seen."

Schu and Nagi burst out laughing. Schu remembers Nagi saying "Dickface." Schu draws a smiley face on it he head of Brad's penis. Farf grabs the marker and writes "World's Greatest Erection" on Brad's erection.

Brad mumbles something about being cold and curls into a fetal position.

Schu cackles wildly and begins to hover around Brad's ass. A few minutes later Schu moves away to admire his work. Farf cackles as he sees a picture of Weiß.

/Farf give me the red marker. /

Farf tilts his head.

/Why? /

Schu laughs.

/So I can color in his hair and write 'I love Abyssian' above the leader. /

Nagi giggled as Farf ran to the couch and grabbed a chewed up pen.

/Here you go. /

/You little ballfuck you chewed on it! /

They continued drawing until they were done then they retired to their rooms.

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End Part One.

Why is there a bunch of space after this? Damn You Microsoft Word!!!


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